The last days I’ve been engaged in a very interesting conversation with my friend Richard, who’s a beautiful young guy, so clear and clean in his masculine energy, and deeply committed to growing, taking responsibility and expanding the existing paradigm. Our conversation grew out of a mutual feeling that our relationship with the opposite gender is somehow ‘broken’. For me, deep in my heart, buried in my bones, running in my blood is a rage so deep, for the way the deep feminine has completely disappeared from the way we’ve constructed society, from the values we live by, from what we choose to see, listen to and give value to.
Most of my life I was able to shut down that feeling, playing successfully with the existing values of patriarchal society, excelling as an academic, numbed out from everything connected to my deeper identity as a woman. I thought I needed to be smart in order to have value.
I was competing with men, on their terms, instead of trusting the ‘other’ space inside me.
I was rejecting my feminine side, living by values that deep down were not true for me.
Increasingly an inner voice called me on a journey to find what I’d lost: my womanhood, my body, sexuality and spirituality. Along the way I discovered that men are more than competitors: they are insanely exciting and utterly other. The more I became aware of myself as a woman the more a polarity with men arose; a desire to be close to them, to discover them as men, to be real with all of me; the desires of my body, not just the controlled space of my mind.
And this is where I discovered a deep distrust in men.
As soon as sexuality was on the table, all my childhood conditioning about men as predators and women as either victims or sluts came jumping out of the cupboard. I discovered myself locked up in a deeply engrained narrative that kept me in a push/pull relationship with men. A deep suspicion of their motives, which was of course just a projection of my suspicion of myself and my desire to connect with them. But also an anger about “what they’d done to me”, to all women, to indigenous cultures, animals, the planet. Suppression. Domination. Control.
Men in power, defining the values we live by. No wonder I’m angry. No wonder I don’t trust men – right?
No matter how much being with Mike is a completely different experience, a few layers down is a deep suspicion in me about the masculine.
And then Richard shared with me how he doesn’t trust women. For the same reasons; suppression, domination, control. He added his experience of women being volatile, out of integrity and backstabbing. Something he’d never experienced with men. And then he hit home with me when he asked the question: “What are women bringing to the table?”
I was baffled.
What are women bringing to the table? How could that even be a question?
My deep anger was already slightly triggered by this question. Is that really so invisible to men? I had already readied my default speech about the knowing, wisdom, power and connectedness of deep womanhood when I could hear my voice getting thinner by trying to explain how that translates to the reality of society.
What are women bringing to the table that is distinctly connected to womanhood? How did women create the society we live in, in its physical, financial, institutional form?
The truth is we didn’t. Society was created by men, for men, with women in supportive roles as mothers, wives, nurses and workforce. This is the root of our rage and our sense of disempowerment. As teacher and bodyworker, Marcela Widrig said in a workshop I attended recently: “The power and intensity of women did not set up civilization. We adapted to it”. I hope you noticed the interesting juxtaposition: Women in supportive roles opposed to women in power and intensity.
Lucy H. Pearce wrote so painfully and precisely about it in her book “Burning Woman”; about how the deep feminine was eradicated from the surface of the planet through millennia of violence and suppression. I’m using my own words here, but She went under cover, waiting for times when it would be safe for her to express her power and intensity.
The time for the return of the Feminine is now!
Not that it is entirely safe. And not that She is entirely ready. But the time is now. It is time for the deep feminine to bring back her face to the surface of this planet; To uncover what has been hidden for so long that she almost doesn’t know what she’s actually bringing to the table.
This is the New Womanhood I’m talking about. Women who are waking up, realizing that there’s very little time to repair what’s out of balance in civilization at large. Women who are prepared to dig out from the collective subconscious what it actually is that we bring to the table in a big way. Women who can face the layers of anger that have kept them separated from themselves, and go deeper to see what’s actually there beyond the anger. What is it we have forgotten? What is it we want to bring to the table?
What’s there when we stop pleasing, seducing, competing – and raging?
My vision is that women need to be with women right now.
We need to peel off the layers we’re playing out in our relationship with men. We need to dream together; to go into the deep, dark, mysterious spaces of our intuition. Beyond the rationality of the mind, which has created the paradigm of separation we’re currently experiencing. Yes, we’re irrational creatures. Yes! That’s what we are. That is our deep nature. We see, we feel, we know things beyond the mind. In our being and our bodies we hold the sacredness of life.
In its immature form our irrationality is versatile, manipulative and out of integrity, as Richard pointed out.
But it’s time to call in the mature version; the New Womanhood, whose irrationality is Transrational.
It transcends the structures of the rational; of the known, mind-based categories by which we define reality. It is not ‘crazy’ in its irrationality as the immature feminine is. It simply sees and feels the deeper structures of life and reality. It sees and feels all there is. It’s connected to wholeness. It means feeling what’s going on, underneath the ‘truths’ you’re being told about Life, society and ‘how it is’.
A woman who’s connected to the Transrational field feels the suffering of others. She intuitively she knows what her body needs and wants. She knows what’s right for her children. She feels her partner’s emotions and handles them with sensitivity. She knows how she wants to give birth despite what the medical world is telling her bout her body. She knows that it’s not her words or looks but her being and presence that are her true power. She knows what needs to happen moment by moment, because she’s connected to the living, breathing field that is Life. She’s a powerful decision-maker in a sensitive and harmonious way, aligned with the higher good of the whole. She serves Life with compassion and humility.
This is our potential. We have work to do to get there, but join me, sisters! We have no time to lose.
PS: Richard is a truly incredible coach who is committed to transforming lives. Find him here: www.richardharriscoaching.com